So this is…let me count… night number 7 of struggling to fall asleep. It’s 11pm now and I’ve been trying to sleep for the last hour and a half or so. At least I can say this time it isn’t because I’m melting; it’s actually been pleasantly cool for sleeping these days. Anyway, I’m not sure why but I always seem to be most inspired to write at this time of night. Maybe it’s because the words that have been fumbling around in my mind all day demand to come out before allowing me to rest peacefully. Darn demanding words…ha! Anyway, here goes…
I’ll start with a week ago. Wednesday it was when my host brother Eduardo showed up at Centro Hogar, the school where I work with his mom Damaris. I said a quick hello as I prepared to receive my next couple of tutees. It struck me as unusual that he was there but I assumed he just decided to pay us a visit. Then as the afternoon went on the school social worker dropped in to tell me that Eduardo had been mugged on the bus, that the ladrones took his backpack, his wallet and topped it all off with some strong threats. When I had a moment, I acknowledged with him what had happened and offered him some words of comfort…if there is such a thing so soon after such a nerve-wracking experience. He seemed to be handling it well but was a bit shook up. As the work day came to a close, myself, Damaris, Eduardo and Camila (my host sister who participates afterschool program I’m running) all gathered ourselves and ventured home. While walking our usual route Damaris told us that just that morning while she was walking to work she felt some watchful eyes following her so decided to visit a co-workers house to compose herself and see if said eyes passed…which after waiting a bit eventually did. She mentioned it as if it was no big deal. But let me tell you, the experience of Eduardo followed by Damaris’ anecdote made for a seriously accelerated heart rate during my walks to work the next couple of days and for some less than pleasant dreams about robbers coming in our house through my window. Pero alli ibamos and just when, as a family, felt we were coming out from underneath the weight of the danger of reality here…the rains came.
And they kept coming, and coming, and coming and coming. Which brings us up to Saturday night…when we weren’t sure if we should pack a bag or build a canoe in preparation for what was to come. Instead we just laughed, kept our ears open for evacuation sirens, watched just enough news to stay informed…but mostly movies, made hot cocoa (it was actually chilly if you can believe), and then went to bed making light-hearted references to the movie Titanic and how we too weren’t sure if we would wake up but at least we went to bed with smiles on our faces and chocolate in our bellies.
To be honest however, despite the smiles and jokes, by Monday the gravity of it all caught right up with me. As soon as I had time to think I freaked myself out, of course. Which is legit…it’s good to understand the vulnerability we are living in here and how just a little more rain, or being just one street over, or on another bus, we could find ourselves in crisis too. All of this is to say that people here live in a constant state of emergency. My host Mom often says, “If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.” And it’s true. Dang. So how do they respond? And how have I learned to respond? We live in the moment, we love fully, we thank God for the little things and we laugh. It’s quite simple really. If you all could only meet these very people I believe you too would be inspired as much as I am.
So I’ll leave you with that for now. And until next time just give it a whirl…live in the moment, love fully, thank God for the little things, and laugh, laugh, laugh.
Take good care and BIG HUGS to all.
P.S. I think I’m gonna sleep well tonight. ; )
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
drum roll please... :)
Hola, hola! So here it is, the grand return. HA! So...I wrote this a few weeks back but am just getting around to posting it. I will post an update on how thing are currently in the next couple of days. Until then...enjoy friends.
First off, for those of you who the news has escaped…I am now here in San Salvador, El Salvador. To say the least it was hard and yet another emotional transition to leave Nebaj and also to leave Guatemala. However, now that I’ve moved and said the actual goodbyes things have gotten a lot “easier.” I’m not good at goodbyes; they make me really sad. I often wish that I could just take the people with me that I am leaving behind, or that I can go with those who are leaving. My most recent goodbye was to my new co-worker Rosemary. Although we had only worked together for two weeks, she left a great impression on me. For her despedida (goodbye party), I wanted to share a quote or reading about transitions. This is what I came across and it’s quite fitting considering Donald Miller is one of my favorite authors:
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one... word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)
How beautiful. While intended to be a comfort for Rosemary, I also found solace in Donald’s words. For the last five years my life has been full of leavings and some comings home. As I have become more acquainted with my true self and dream about the life ahead of me, I can’t imagine this pattern changing much. Sometimes I wonder if my desire to trot the world is actually me running away from something. Getting absorbed in this line of thinking can be quite discouraging, trust me. But, I have to say, there have been too many good experiences, people to love, tears to shed, lessons to learn and too much beauty to see for me to believe that where I’ve been has been an escape rather than a trust-fall into the present. I don’t know where I’ll end up, what I will be doing, or who I’ll be with, but I trust that every step of the way is preparing me for what is to come. Always remember: only one life to live. Take good care…until we say hello again.
First off, for those of you who the news has escaped…I am now here in San Salvador, El Salvador. To say the least it was hard and yet another emotional transition to leave Nebaj and also to leave Guatemala. However, now that I’ve moved and said the actual goodbyes things have gotten a lot “easier.” I’m not good at goodbyes; they make me really sad. I often wish that I could just take the people with me that I am leaving behind, or that I can go with those who are leaving. My most recent goodbye was to my new co-worker Rosemary. Although we had only worked together for two weeks, she left a great impression on me. For her despedida (goodbye party), I wanted to share a quote or reading about transitions. This is what I came across and it’s quite fitting considering Donald Miller is one of my favorite authors:
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one... word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)
How beautiful. While intended to be a comfort for Rosemary, I also found solace in Donald’s words. For the last five years my life has been full of leavings and some comings home. As I have become more acquainted with my true self and dream about the life ahead of me, I can’t imagine this pattern changing much. Sometimes I wonder if my desire to trot the world is actually me running away from something. Getting absorbed in this line of thinking can be quite discouraging, trust me. But, I have to say, there have been too many good experiences, people to love, tears to shed, lessons to learn and too much beauty to see for me to believe that where I’ve been has been an escape rather than a trust-fall into the present. I don’t know where I’ll end up, what I will be doing, or who I’ll be with, but I trust that every step of the way is preparing me for what is to come. Always remember: only one life to live. Take good care…until we say hello again.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Oh the weather outside is...nothing-like-I'm-used-to-it-being-at-Christmas...
So…it’s 1:35am on December 20th and I am really tired and I can’t sleep. I have to say one of the worst combinations for me is being really tired and not being able to sleep. Thumbs down. A good combination however…Jill Scott and Mos Def. The song is called Love Rain. Check it out. Ha, wow! How quickly I got off track. :)
Anyway…as I am sure most of you have noticed, it has been a good month and a half since I last wrote on my blog. In fact it has been over a month and a half since I’ve written at all. I’m not sure of the explanation but after having written in my own personal journal daily and posting at least semi-regularly…the habit fell right off the map. Just like that; I stopped. Maybe I got to a place where I felt I didn’t need to write as much. Maybe I got to a place where listening to music was more appealing as bedtime ritual. Maybe it got to the point where absorbing other stories through reading became easier than writing out my own. Who knows?
My lack of written expression however, is certainly not an indication of lack of activity here in Guatemala. In fact I have had some of the most fun experiences yet. From co-leading a learning tour in and around Xela, to my first MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team meeting, flowing into a trip to the beach for Thanksgiving, then hosting Semana de Servicio here in Nebaj, life has been full of wonder and joy. ‘Tis the season. Along with this however has come deep struggle. First personally, being away from family and friends at this time of year (for the first time in my 24 years of life) has hit me harder than expected. Second, getting to know better some of the young adults I work with and hearing their stories has rocked me to the core. I don’t have words for Marcos* the 20 year old young man who tells me in pursuit of his educational dreams he was given room/board/tuition to study by a supposedly giving male community member, only to leave the experience having been sequestered and sexually abused by the very same man. What do I say to Magdalena* the 24 year old señorita who married at 16, only to find herself quickly pregnant and even more quickly abandoned by her husband for a “better” life in the United States. My heart aches for 25 year old Manuel* who pours his heart out through his original songs to mourn the death of one of his twin sons who would be turning two here shortly. It hurts. They hurt. I hurt. Ouch. But check this out…
So, I just got finished reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. It’s a beautiful story. In the book there is a character named May. May, as it is explained, doesn’t know what to do with her emotions. Whether the root is in her own life or the witness of another’s situation, she just can’t handle them sometimes. So May with the help of her sisters, creates a wailing wall; a simple sanctuary made out of river stones…each crack providing a space in which she can find release. When overcome with tears, she goes to her wall and slides between the rocks little pieces of paper on which she has lyrically purged, graciously relocating the whelm of her feelings from her heart, out into the universe. And with this she finds resolve…she finds peace, even if just for the moment. Well dear readers…May made me realize something. While not hand constructed or full of brief hand written notes, my blog is my wailing wall. A place where I can express my emotions…joy, sorrow, disgust, elation, frustration, freedom…and release them into the universe. In this I find resolve…I find peace, even if just for the moment. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for being my river rocks.
Wow…yikes! That got a bit heavy but it needed to happen I suppose. To change the sentiment to a lighter one, it is the Christmas season and in that there is a lot of hope..amidst struggle. Many of us think of the birth of Jesus, which is right-on of course, but this year I have been thinking about the strength of Mary, and what it must have taken to be the woman that she was. And, to beat the dead horse just a little bit dead-er, or to make the alive horse come alive-er, in the aforementioned (love this word and love to use it!) novel there is a great section that discusses what Mary, the mother of Jesus, can represent for each of us. Although it is directed towards females, I think it’s appropriate for all. I encourage you, in your reading of it, to make it gender inclusive.
“When you are unsure of yourself, when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she [Mary] is the one inside you saying ‘Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are.’ She’s the power inside of you, understand? And whatever it is that keeps widening your heart, that’s Mary, too, not only the power inside of you but the love. And, when you get down on it, [insert your name here], that’s the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just to love- but to persist in love.”
- Sue Monk Kidd; The Secret Life of Bees
So this is where I leave you all. Just in case we don't communicate before...FELIZ NAVIDAD! May your holiday season persist in love.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals mentioned.
Anyway…as I am sure most of you have noticed, it has been a good month and a half since I last wrote on my blog. In fact it has been over a month and a half since I’ve written at all. I’m not sure of the explanation but after having written in my own personal journal daily and posting at least semi-regularly…the habit fell right off the map. Just like that; I stopped. Maybe I got to a place where I felt I didn’t need to write as much. Maybe I got to a place where listening to music was more appealing as bedtime ritual. Maybe it got to the point where absorbing other stories through reading became easier than writing out my own. Who knows?
My lack of written expression however, is certainly not an indication of lack of activity here in Guatemala. In fact I have had some of the most fun experiences yet. From co-leading a learning tour in and around Xela, to my first MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team meeting, flowing into a trip to the beach for Thanksgiving, then hosting Semana de Servicio here in Nebaj, life has been full of wonder and joy. ‘Tis the season. Along with this however has come deep struggle. First personally, being away from family and friends at this time of year (for the first time in my 24 years of life) has hit me harder than expected. Second, getting to know better some of the young adults I work with and hearing their stories has rocked me to the core. I don’t have words for Marcos* the 20 year old young man who tells me in pursuit of his educational dreams he was given room/board/tuition to study by a supposedly giving male community member, only to leave the experience having been sequestered and sexually abused by the very same man. What do I say to Magdalena* the 24 year old señorita who married at 16, only to find herself quickly pregnant and even more quickly abandoned by her husband for a “better” life in the United States. My heart aches for 25 year old Manuel* who pours his heart out through his original songs to mourn the death of one of his twin sons who would be turning two here shortly. It hurts. They hurt. I hurt. Ouch. But check this out…
So, I just got finished reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. It’s a beautiful story. In the book there is a character named May. May, as it is explained, doesn’t know what to do with her emotions. Whether the root is in her own life or the witness of another’s situation, she just can’t handle them sometimes. So May with the help of her sisters, creates a wailing wall; a simple sanctuary made out of river stones…each crack providing a space in which she can find release. When overcome with tears, she goes to her wall and slides between the rocks little pieces of paper on which she has lyrically purged, graciously relocating the whelm of her feelings from her heart, out into the universe. And with this she finds resolve…she finds peace, even if just for the moment. Well dear readers…May made me realize something. While not hand constructed or full of brief hand written notes, my blog is my wailing wall. A place where I can express my emotions…joy, sorrow, disgust, elation, frustration, freedom…and release them into the universe. In this I find resolve…I find peace, even if just for the moment. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for being my river rocks.
Wow…yikes! That got a bit heavy but it needed to happen I suppose. To change the sentiment to a lighter one, it is the Christmas season and in that there is a lot of hope..amidst struggle. Many of us think of the birth of Jesus, which is right-on of course, but this year I have been thinking about the strength of Mary, and what it must have taken to be the woman that she was. And, to beat the dead horse just a little bit dead-er, or to make the alive horse come alive-er, in the aforementioned (love this word and love to use it!) novel there is a great section that discusses what Mary, the mother of Jesus, can represent for each of us. Although it is directed towards females, I think it’s appropriate for all. I encourage you, in your reading of it, to make it gender inclusive.
“When you are unsure of yourself, when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she [Mary] is the one inside you saying ‘Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are.’ She’s the power inside of you, understand? And whatever it is that keeps widening your heart, that’s Mary, too, not only the power inside of you but the love. And, when you get down on it, [insert your name here], that’s the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just to love- but to persist in love.”
- Sue Monk Kidd; The Secret Life of Bees
So this is where I leave you all. Just in case we don't communicate before...FELIZ NAVIDAD! May your holiday season persist in love.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals mentioned.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Gospel, Gratitude, and Glory.
Happy November 1st everyone! It is Sunday morning and I have taken to spending this time every week listening to all the Gospel music I have in my Itunes library for inspiration. It’s quite nice…the only thing that could make it better would be if it was live. Oh the sacrifices we SALTers make. Ha. Anyway, the song that really caught my attention this morning is from the Sister Act II soundtrack (one of my favorite movies, see it if you haven’t). “So you think you got the answers to all that lies ahead, well in my mind I thought the same one time. And I hear you spoutin’ much talk ‘bout how you ain’t bein’ lead, ain’t no one tellin you what to do. But attitude will catch up with you, and keep you from your destiny. If you wanna be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you’ve gotta wake up and pay attention. When the time is now or never, to make your dreams come true, you’ve gotta wake up and pay attention.” Here’s why. This morning I was supposed to accompany a group of youth to a workshop with another coworker but about an hour before hand she called to tell me we didn’t have to go; that our “boss” would arrange for someone else to accompany them. Fine, no biggie. Then I got a call from another coworker saying that the youth were calling her to tell her they were there, ready to go and angry that there was no body from the Association to chaperone them. Immediately I felt bad but didn’t really do anything about it because I was told I didn’t have to go. “Oh well,” I thought. “Isn’t my fault if things don’t go as planned.” So I stayed home. When my host mom got back from the market she asked why I hadn’t left and I told her why. Then she proceeded to encourage me to go anyway, on behalf of the youth, because they are the ones that really matter; who will suffer the consequences. Pom pom…nice little kick in the butt. Man, she is so right. I have been relying on my coworkers to do pretty much all of the leading, even when the youth aren’t their first interest. But as I have been here for about a month, I think this might just be the reminder that I am 25% of the work team and it is time I start taking more initiative; time to change my attitude. Amino. After all I am here for a reason and I won’t be around forever. When the time is now or never, to make your dreams come true, you’ve gotta wake up and pay attention.
With that being said, it has been an interesting line to walk; to let my coworkers do what they do and how they do it without wanting to take control and lead the way I prefer to work. I will admit that I have control-freak tendencies sometimes and have been fighting against the urge to just tell them what to do in some cases. However, MCC makes it very clear that we SALTers are not here to assume leadership positions, just to support those who have been working and will remain once we leave. In my opinion, they have it right on. We are not here to change things up but to better what already exists. As I have been trying to walk this very thin tight rope and flirting with the safety net below, I came across this quote in Henry Nouwen’s book Gracias. It encompasses precisely what I need to continue to work on and really what all volunteers around the world should strive for. Here goes, “Gratitude is the attitude which enables us to receive the hidden gifts of those we want to serve and to make these gifts visible to the community as a source of celebration.” Tortilla for thought.
Finally, this past marked the beginning of the town’s soccer tournament…which will last until just before la Navidad. I am playing on a team with one of my coworkers. Our team is called the Novices. Despite their name, they did quite well last year. They made it to the championship but lost by one goal and to boot, the goal differential was so close that this one goal determined there place as 3rd. Bummer. Anyway, we had our first game this past Tuesday and the whole day I had butterflies in my stomach like I used to in high school before soccer games. It was kind of a refreshing feeling and very nostalgic. I was so anxious that, and I’m totally serious, at lunch when I went home I tried on all my gear and when I went back to work I kept my sports bra on for good luck. Ha! So I showed up and all my team mates were in their cortes (traditional skirts) and heels. They changed before the game obviously but this is just another cultural difference that was obvious as I slide in and out of my oversized sweatpants and flip flops before and after the game. Good news, we won 5-0 and (I’m gonna brag a little) I scored 3 goals and assisted the other 2! Anyway, it’s fun and a nice change in the routine. I’ll keep you updated on our standing…and if you have a baby blue shirt, where it tomorrow (Nov 2nd) at 6:30pm (Guate time) to show your support. We’re more than happy to have international fans to carry us to the championship this year. We are gunning for 1st place.
So we’ve come to the end. As always I hope that all who read this are doing so with happy hearts. And in true form, I’ll leave you with some song lyrics. This time they are from Sara Bareilles.
“I made up my mind when I was a young girl, I was given this one world…I won’t worry it away. Now and again I lose sight of the good life, I get stuck in a low light…then love comes in.” Sending love your way.
With that being said, it has been an interesting line to walk; to let my coworkers do what they do and how they do it without wanting to take control and lead the way I prefer to work. I will admit that I have control-freak tendencies sometimes and have been fighting against the urge to just tell them what to do in some cases. However, MCC makes it very clear that we SALTers are not here to assume leadership positions, just to support those who have been working and will remain once we leave. In my opinion, they have it right on. We are not here to change things up but to better what already exists. As I have been trying to walk this very thin tight rope and flirting with the safety net below, I came across this quote in Henry Nouwen’s book Gracias. It encompasses precisely what I need to continue to work on and really what all volunteers around the world should strive for. Here goes, “Gratitude is the attitude which enables us to receive the hidden gifts of those we want to serve and to make these gifts visible to the community as a source of celebration.” Tortilla for thought.
Finally, this past marked the beginning of the town’s soccer tournament…which will last until just before la Navidad. I am playing on a team with one of my coworkers. Our team is called the Novices. Despite their name, they did quite well last year. They made it to the championship but lost by one goal and to boot, the goal differential was so close that this one goal determined there place as 3rd. Bummer. Anyway, we had our first game this past Tuesday and the whole day I had butterflies in my stomach like I used to in high school before soccer games. It was kind of a refreshing feeling and very nostalgic. I was so anxious that, and I’m totally serious, at lunch when I went home I tried on all my gear and when I went back to work I kept my sports bra on for good luck. Ha! So I showed up and all my team mates were in their cortes (traditional skirts) and heels. They changed before the game obviously but this is just another cultural difference that was obvious as I slide in and out of my oversized sweatpants and flip flops before and after the game. Good news, we won 5-0 and (I’m gonna brag a little) I scored 3 goals and assisted the other 2! Anyway, it’s fun and a nice change in the routine. I’ll keep you updated on our standing…and if you have a baby blue shirt, where it tomorrow (Nov 2nd) at 6:30pm (Guate time) to show your support. We’re more than happy to have international fans to carry us to the championship this year. We are gunning for 1st place.
So we’ve come to the end. As always I hope that all who read this are doing so with happy hearts. And in true form, I’ll leave you with some song lyrics. This time they are from Sara Bareilles.
“I made up my mind when I was a young girl, I was given this one world…I won’t worry it away. Now and again I lose sight of the good life, I get stuck in a low light…then love comes in.” Sending love your way.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Peanut butter and the President
Hey all! It’s about time hey? Overall things have been on the upward climb. Although things at work move a lot slower and seemingly unplanned in my North American perspective, I am finding things to do that are not only occupying my time but hopefully giving back to the community as well. For example, as I have been hearing a lot about malnutrition and lack of work, I thought…I wonder if it would be possible to grow peanuts in the climate here and then teach the families to make peanut butter from them, for consumption but also to sell. Unfortunately my research revealed that the growing part won’t work here, and hot houses are really expensive. But that doesn’t mean we can’t buy peanuts in the market and make them into peanut butter for fun! So that’s exactly what we did. I went and bought two pounds of peanuts and my host mom and sister helped me make peanut butter. We first used the blender then the tool they use to grind corn into flour. It was fun…but the peanut butter was pretty gross. To get the blender to work we added oil. That was our mistake. But, we aren’t discouraged and we are going to try again sometime. It can’t be that hard right? Ha!
I have also started a story project where I’m interviewing community members and then writing their stories. Who knows what will come of it but in the meantime it’s helping me to get to know individuals as well as the larger picture of what it means to live here in the Ixil Triangle. It’s fun and kinda makes me feel like a journalist. I’m diggin’ it.
Speaking of feeling like a journalist, this past weekend was the inauguration of a government program called Escuelas Abiertas here in Nebaj. Brief summary of the program, it is providing extracurricular activities free of charge for young people to enjoy on Saturdays and Sundays. Examples of the activities are music, English, computation, soccer, hand crafts, dance, etc. The association that I work for (Q’Anil) helped to coordinate finding the teachers for the workshops so we were a part of the inauguration. Being the only one with a camera, since the associations is out of commission, I was asked to take pictures. I agreed…then was also informed that the president of Guatemala, Alvaro Colom, would be coming to make a speech so I should be sure to get some “money shots.” No big deal. “Cool,” I thought…“I won’t be able to get anywhere near the man to shoot anything worthwhile…but I’ll play photographer.” Then before I knew it I was given free range to go anywhere and take pictures up close and personal; no security checks or anything of the sort; no official press pass; just my camera. At this point I really felt official. I think it would be fun to be a photographer…if only I knew how to actually use my camera beyond the automatic settings. I did get some good shots though.
I’m not sure why, but recently I have also been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up…or maybe just what I want to do next. Sometimes I wonder if it is a defense mechanism that kicks in when I’m not feeling the best about being here, like an escape plan. Sometimes I feel like I just got here so it is silly to be thinking about my next steps. Sometimes I feel it’s timely considering grad school applications are usually due in January sometime. None the less, it has been something that has kept me up a couple nights these past few weeks. At this point I am not taking any serious steps but I have been throwing around some options. The problem is, none of the options seem any better than the other…and there are a lot of them. Oh boy…grad school or not? If so…grad school for social work? Public health? Teaching English as a foreign language? On the east coast or west coast? Big city or small town? Public university or private…or do I just want get some sweet waitressing job on the beach somewhere? Who knows? Any suggestions??? I’d be totally cool if the Big Man upstairs chimed in. I just got done reading Take This Bread by Sara Miles and it is a really cool story about this woman’s faith journey from non-believer to believer, through taking communion (in the broadest of terms). I was a little skeptical and thought it sounded a bit, shall I say “woo woo,” but what an extraordinary and honest story it was about being open to what’s next and taking steps that aren’t always expected, the easiest, or calculated and, not only keeping the faith all the while, but growing tremendously in it. This has been comforting for me as I have felt discouraged at times, like my time could be used better somewhere else, doing something else. It has also been a gentle reminder about how things just seem to happen in their own time…hmm. Patience is not my strong suit…but maybe it’s my challenge (or one of my challenges) for this year.
Anyway…I hope this oh-so-very-impersonal blog post somehow magically transmits personal hugs and cheek kisses to each and every one of you. Guatemala has been great but life just isn’t the same without human contact with the ones ya love. I’ll take what I can get though…and this will just have to do… Until next time queridos.
I have also started a story project where I’m interviewing community members and then writing their stories. Who knows what will come of it but in the meantime it’s helping me to get to know individuals as well as the larger picture of what it means to live here in the Ixil Triangle. It’s fun and kinda makes me feel like a journalist. I’m diggin’ it.
Speaking of feeling like a journalist, this past weekend was the inauguration of a government program called Escuelas Abiertas here in Nebaj. Brief summary of the program, it is providing extracurricular activities free of charge for young people to enjoy on Saturdays and Sundays. Examples of the activities are music, English, computation, soccer, hand crafts, dance, etc. The association that I work for (Q’Anil) helped to coordinate finding the teachers for the workshops so we were a part of the inauguration. Being the only one with a camera, since the associations is out of commission, I was asked to take pictures. I agreed…then was also informed that the president of Guatemala, Alvaro Colom, would be coming to make a speech so I should be sure to get some “money shots.” No big deal. “Cool,” I thought…“I won’t be able to get anywhere near the man to shoot anything worthwhile…but I’ll play photographer.” Then before I knew it I was given free range to go anywhere and take pictures up close and personal; no security checks or anything of the sort; no official press pass; just my camera. At this point I really felt official. I think it would be fun to be a photographer…if only I knew how to actually use my camera beyond the automatic settings. I did get some good shots though.
I’m not sure why, but recently I have also been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up…or maybe just what I want to do next. Sometimes I wonder if it is a defense mechanism that kicks in when I’m not feeling the best about being here, like an escape plan. Sometimes I feel like I just got here so it is silly to be thinking about my next steps. Sometimes I feel it’s timely considering grad school applications are usually due in January sometime. None the less, it has been something that has kept me up a couple nights these past few weeks. At this point I am not taking any serious steps but I have been throwing around some options. The problem is, none of the options seem any better than the other…and there are a lot of them. Oh boy…grad school or not? If so…grad school for social work? Public health? Teaching English as a foreign language? On the east coast or west coast? Big city or small town? Public university or private…or do I just want get some sweet waitressing job on the beach somewhere? Who knows? Any suggestions??? I’d be totally cool if the Big Man upstairs chimed in. I just got done reading Take This Bread by Sara Miles and it is a really cool story about this woman’s faith journey from non-believer to believer, through taking communion (in the broadest of terms). I was a little skeptical and thought it sounded a bit, shall I say “woo woo,” but what an extraordinary and honest story it was about being open to what’s next and taking steps that aren’t always expected, the easiest, or calculated and, not only keeping the faith all the while, but growing tremendously in it. This has been comforting for me as I have felt discouraged at times, like my time could be used better somewhere else, doing something else. It has also been a gentle reminder about how things just seem to happen in their own time…hmm. Patience is not my strong suit…but maybe it’s my challenge (or one of my challenges) for this year.
Anyway…I hope this oh-so-very-impersonal blog post somehow magically transmits personal hugs and cheek kisses to each and every one of you. Guatemala has been great but life just isn’t the same without human contact with the ones ya love. I’ll take what I can get though…and this will just have to do… Until next time queridos.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Get your tea/coffee and pull up a chair...it's a long one. ;)
As I don’t have as consistent access to the internet here in Nebaj, I have changed the form of my blog a bit. Now I am dating my entries and posting them when I get a chance. So…some entries might be old/late but there should always be a date to give you an idea of when things were going on. Hope this helps.
9/29/2009- Oh boy…here goes nothing! This is exactly how I am feeling right now. What a change Nebaj is from anywhere else I have ever lived! A big change is the presence of an indigenous language, Ixil (pronounced “ee-sheel”). Fortunately, my Spanish is good enough that I have been able to pretty much understand everything that is being said around me…up to this point. Here is a different story. When I’m walking down the street, in the market, with my coworkers…I can’t understand a thing. Now you must know that my coworkers speak Spanish as well, but they often slip into speaking Ixil. Yikes! Bit by bit I hope to learn Ixil. I do know one word, tan’tix (tan-tish), thank you. I guess I’m on my way right? I can only hope. I am starting to better understand how all the non-English speaking immigrants in the US must feel as they build their new lives in the States. To move to a more positive note…though language barriers can be frustrating, they can also provide a few laughs…get this…
…I went to the artisans market, where all the foreigners go to buy their typical crafts, and met a woman vendor who just so happened to be doing her weaving. We got to talking in Spanish, I expressed interest in her art form and after a while she told me that she spoke some English. “Wonderful!” I thought, and then asked her to say something. She proceeded to say “hello” and tell me where she is from in English. Her accent was incredible so I complimented her on it. Then she told me that although she could speak some English (and here’s the kicker) that sometimes she “f**k’s up.” Totally straight faced, totally serious. I had to hold my tongue and didn’t have the heart to tell her she had just said a bad word. Ha! None the less, I got in a good laugh. I’m sure I’ll go back to visit Maria, the unknowingly foul mouthed Ixil artisan.
9/30/2009- Today I got the chance to eat a typical dish called boxbol (pronounced bowsh-bowl). It’s corn masa wrapped in Whiskil leaves (whiskil is a cross between a potato and a squash) then boiled and served with hot chili sauce. It was very good and we got to eat it with our fingers! Woo hoo!
To tell you a bit more about my family and living situation, I have a mom Betty, a dad Alberto, and 3 host siblings Jimy, Hedy and Lis (ages 8, 4, and 2). They have a beautiful modest house with a tin roof, perfect for going to sleep to the sound of rain falling. I have my own room and with a bathroom off the side. I bucket bathe in scalding hot water which always feels good on a chilly morning. My mom is the cook of the house, makes her own tortillas and has promised to teach me. Yay! My mom and dad both work. My mom does accounting and runs groups for young girls at a local school and my dad as the coordinator for the leadership program for Food for the Hungry. Because Alberto is out of the house working all day and Betty in the afternoons, we have a house helper living with us, Juana. She attends to the kids and does some cooking/cleaning. She is a very shy but loves to smile.
10/1/2009- Today I had my first melt down, tears and all. While I was at work I just couldn’t fight them back. I was alone in the office, feeling totally uninformed and unable to do anything productive, and it brought back memories of when I did service in DC. Quick fill-in for those who don’t know anything about my year in DC…it was extremely hard due to my work situation, and although I wouldn’t take it back, it’s not something I would choose to repeat. Unfortunately from first impressions, I can’t say that much is different here. I don’t do well when I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m not getting anywhere. As I am a busy body, this feeling is a worse for me than being overworked. I do acknowledge that this is just my first impression, and in the words of another volunteer first impressions can be dangerous, but none the less the cause of my first total freak-out. Meh.
Although I am feeling uncomfortable, frustrated and lonely at times, I also feel hopeful, rested and right were I’m supposed to be. I have great support here in Guate, both in Nebaj and in the City. When I came home crying my host mom here sat with me and assured me that, based on all the volunteers that she has hosted, all my emotions are common during this period of transition and not to worry, she is ready to care for me any way she can. Also, the other night I got a text from a new Guatemalan friend and a call from my first host mom both asking me how I was doing, telling me that they were thinking of me, and that if I need anything they are here for me. Oh man does this help! And whether I like it or not (at least in these first few days) I am here, I knew it would be a challenge, so…let the growth begin.
10/2/2009- I thought it was just allergies but low and behold…I’m sick. My head feels like it’s going to explode and my nose is running like a faucet. I got up and went to work today and then quickly told me to go back home; that it is better that I rest to heal than it is to suffer at work. I am really thankful for their insistence on health being more important than being at work. This is different for me. In prior job experiences, unless I was bleeding profusely or vomiting uncontrollably, I went to work…and felt guilty if I didn’t. But here…as I am sure that I will get sick again, I am comforted to know that If I need to stay home I can do so without feeling bad. So I slept pretty much all day. And a nice long phone call with Mom and Dad is always good medicine. Plus, tonight after dinner, my host father sat with me and gave me a very effective pep talk. He works here with another NGO and he assured me that although I might feel at times like my presence here isn’t worth anything that people’s lives are changing, including my own, and for that we all should be grateful. He also told me that he would love to give me lessons in Ixil in exchange for English lessons…because in his opinion, speaking Ixil to the people in the aldeas is more valuable than any sort of “knowledge” I might be there to share. So…next week we are going to make a plan and hit the ground running. Man do I feel better, and all in a day’s work.
Just so you all know… all the positive vibrations/thoughts/prayers, whatever you want to call them, that are coming from all of you don’t go unnoticed. I’m soaking them all up. Thanks to everyone for keeping in touch! Lots of love.
9/29/2009- Oh boy…here goes nothing! This is exactly how I am feeling right now. What a change Nebaj is from anywhere else I have ever lived! A big change is the presence of an indigenous language, Ixil (pronounced “ee-sheel”). Fortunately, my Spanish is good enough that I have been able to pretty much understand everything that is being said around me…up to this point. Here is a different story. When I’m walking down the street, in the market, with my coworkers…I can’t understand a thing. Now you must know that my coworkers speak Spanish as well, but they often slip into speaking Ixil. Yikes! Bit by bit I hope to learn Ixil. I do know one word, tan’tix (tan-tish), thank you. I guess I’m on my way right? I can only hope. I am starting to better understand how all the non-English speaking immigrants in the US must feel as they build their new lives in the States. To move to a more positive note…though language barriers can be frustrating, they can also provide a few laughs…get this…
…I went to the artisans market, where all the foreigners go to buy their typical crafts, and met a woman vendor who just so happened to be doing her weaving. We got to talking in Spanish, I expressed interest in her art form and after a while she told me that she spoke some English. “Wonderful!” I thought, and then asked her to say something. She proceeded to say “hello” and tell me where she is from in English. Her accent was incredible so I complimented her on it. Then she told me that although she could speak some English (and here’s the kicker) that sometimes she “f**k’s up.” Totally straight faced, totally serious. I had to hold my tongue and didn’t have the heart to tell her she had just said a bad word. Ha! None the less, I got in a good laugh. I’m sure I’ll go back to visit Maria, the unknowingly foul mouthed Ixil artisan.
9/30/2009- Today I got the chance to eat a typical dish called boxbol (pronounced bowsh-bowl). It’s corn masa wrapped in Whiskil leaves (whiskil is a cross between a potato and a squash) then boiled and served with hot chili sauce. It was very good and we got to eat it with our fingers! Woo hoo!
To tell you a bit more about my family and living situation, I have a mom Betty, a dad Alberto, and 3 host siblings Jimy, Hedy and Lis (ages 8, 4, and 2). They have a beautiful modest house with a tin roof, perfect for going to sleep to the sound of rain falling. I have my own room and with a bathroom off the side. I bucket bathe in scalding hot water which always feels good on a chilly morning. My mom is the cook of the house, makes her own tortillas and has promised to teach me. Yay! My mom and dad both work. My mom does accounting and runs groups for young girls at a local school and my dad as the coordinator for the leadership program for Food for the Hungry. Because Alberto is out of the house working all day and Betty in the afternoons, we have a house helper living with us, Juana. She attends to the kids and does some cooking/cleaning. She is a very shy but loves to smile.
10/1/2009- Today I had my first melt down, tears and all. While I was at work I just couldn’t fight them back. I was alone in the office, feeling totally uninformed and unable to do anything productive, and it brought back memories of when I did service in DC. Quick fill-in for those who don’t know anything about my year in DC…it was extremely hard due to my work situation, and although I wouldn’t take it back, it’s not something I would choose to repeat. Unfortunately from first impressions, I can’t say that much is different here. I don’t do well when I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m not getting anywhere. As I am a busy body, this feeling is a worse for me than being overworked. I do acknowledge that this is just my first impression, and in the words of another volunteer first impressions can be dangerous, but none the less the cause of my first total freak-out. Meh.
Although I am feeling uncomfortable, frustrated and lonely at times, I also feel hopeful, rested and right were I’m supposed to be. I have great support here in Guate, both in Nebaj and in the City. When I came home crying my host mom here sat with me and assured me that, based on all the volunteers that she has hosted, all my emotions are common during this period of transition and not to worry, she is ready to care for me any way she can. Also, the other night I got a text from a new Guatemalan friend and a call from my first host mom both asking me how I was doing, telling me that they were thinking of me, and that if I need anything they are here for me. Oh man does this help! And whether I like it or not (at least in these first few days) I am here, I knew it would be a challenge, so…let the growth begin.
10/2/2009- I thought it was just allergies but low and behold…I’m sick. My head feels like it’s going to explode and my nose is running like a faucet. I got up and went to work today and then quickly told me to go back home; that it is better that I rest to heal than it is to suffer at work. I am really thankful for their insistence on health being more important than being at work. This is different for me. In prior job experiences, unless I was bleeding profusely or vomiting uncontrollably, I went to work…and felt guilty if I didn’t. But here…as I am sure that I will get sick again, I am comforted to know that If I need to stay home I can do so without feeling bad. So I slept pretty much all day. And a nice long phone call with Mom and Dad is always good medicine. Plus, tonight after dinner, my host father sat with me and gave me a very effective pep talk. He works here with another NGO and he assured me that although I might feel at times like my presence here isn’t worth anything that people’s lives are changing, including my own, and for that we all should be grateful. He also told me that he would love to give me lessons in Ixil in exchange for English lessons…because in his opinion, speaking Ixil to the people in the aldeas is more valuable than any sort of “knowledge” I might be there to share. So…next week we are going to make a plan and hit the ground running. Man do I feel better, and all in a day’s work.
Just so you all know… all the positive vibrations/thoughts/prayers, whatever you want to call them, that are coming from all of you don’t go unnoticed. I’m soaking them all up. Thanks to everyone for keeping in touch! Lots of love.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
This is about a week old...and my pictures wont load.
Transitions, transitions, transitions...
All I can say is that at this point, I feel like a pro at this whole transitioning thing. Friday we had our last Spanish class; transition #1. To wrap up my teacher and I shared a cup of coffee (French vanilla flavored; thanks Mom!), panito dulce, conversation and made friendship bracelets. We have been making friendship bracelets together over the past two weeks and while not intentional, doing this craft together really did bring us closer together, beyond the teacher/student dynamic. I really appreciated her willingness to be real and engage in genuine dialogue and quite honestly, all the Spanish we practiced during our conversations helped me way more than any workbook could ever have. Everything is just easier when there is real life application…and a little fun. I’m going to miss her for real.
I also had to pack up all my belongings and leave my host family; transition #2. Thursday I was up late packing up of course. The next morning, like most every other morning, my host dad and I sat at the table and ate breakfast together. While a little awkward at first, I really learned to appreciate our daily morning conversation. Whether about Spanish grammar, politics, cultural differences or religion, there was never a dull moment. That night, Paige and I went back for dinner (delicious minestrone soup, fettuccini alfredo, tomato and corn salad and baguette). The whole family was there and in true form we laughed and laughed and laughed. And although at times it feels like such a small thing, laughter really is a powerful thing. If you haven’t done it lately, I suggest you try it. Smile.
And transition #3 (and #4, #5, #6 and #7), we are off to our placements. This means 1) new tierra, 2) new families, 3) new jobs, 4) new culture… Yikes! Luke left early yesterday morning on a bus to Coban. Paige and I leave tomorrow. Anthony, our jefe (boss), will be accompanying us. We’ll drop Paige off first in Santiago Atitlan then head up into the mountains of Quiche to my new home in Nebaj by Tuesday. Since our arrival, we three SALTers have spent a lot of time together and it is going to be weird to not see each other on a daily basis. They have been such a great support; we’ve become our own little family. But once again we must move away from comfort into the unknown. This seems to be a common thread that is persistently weaving its way through our experiences so far as volunteers…hum. Tal vez asi es la vida? Saber.
And finally by “blogly” shout out to modern technology (blogly like weekly, hourly, monthly…yes I know I’m a dork for making up my own words but i love to do it. ha). Yesterday two friends got married and although I couldn’t be with them in person on their big day, I was able to make a phone call and congratulate the bride and groom voice to voice. And…I got to say hello’s to a handful of good friends who were all there celebrating together. Nothing like a little love from afar.
And this is where I’ll leave you. I’m not sure what my schedule will be like in the next week or so and when I’ll be able to access the internet again in that time. Hope this tides you over.
Love you all. Abrazos y besitos. Blog update from Nebaj to come.
All I can say is that at this point, I feel like a pro at this whole transitioning thing. Friday we had our last Spanish class; transition #1. To wrap up my teacher and I shared a cup of coffee (French vanilla flavored; thanks Mom!), panito dulce, conversation and made friendship bracelets. We have been making friendship bracelets together over the past two weeks and while not intentional, doing this craft together really did bring us closer together, beyond the teacher/student dynamic. I really appreciated her willingness to be real and engage in genuine dialogue and quite honestly, all the Spanish we practiced during our conversations helped me way more than any workbook could ever have. Everything is just easier when there is real life application…and a little fun. I’m going to miss her for real.
I also had to pack up all my belongings and leave my host family; transition #2. Thursday I was up late packing up of course. The next morning, like most every other morning, my host dad and I sat at the table and ate breakfast together. While a little awkward at first, I really learned to appreciate our daily morning conversation. Whether about Spanish grammar, politics, cultural differences or religion, there was never a dull moment. That night, Paige and I went back for dinner (delicious minestrone soup, fettuccini alfredo, tomato and corn salad and baguette). The whole family was there and in true form we laughed and laughed and laughed. And although at times it feels like such a small thing, laughter really is a powerful thing. If you haven’t done it lately, I suggest you try it. Smile.
And transition #3 (and #4, #5, #6 and #7), we are off to our placements. This means 1) new tierra, 2) new families, 3) new jobs, 4) new culture… Yikes! Luke left early yesterday morning on a bus to Coban. Paige and I leave tomorrow. Anthony, our jefe (boss), will be accompanying us. We’ll drop Paige off first in Santiago Atitlan then head up into the mountains of Quiche to my new home in Nebaj by Tuesday. Since our arrival, we three SALTers have spent a lot of time together and it is going to be weird to not see each other on a daily basis. They have been such a great support; we’ve become our own little family. But once again we must move away from comfort into the unknown. This seems to be a common thread that is persistently weaving its way through our experiences so far as volunteers…hum. Tal vez asi es la vida? Saber.
And finally by “blogly” shout out to modern technology (blogly like weekly, hourly, monthly…yes I know I’m a dork for making up my own words but i love to do it. ha). Yesterday two friends got married and although I couldn’t be with them in person on their big day, I was able to make a phone call and congratulate the bride and groom voice to voice. And…I got to say hello’s to a handful of good friends who were all there celebrating together. Nothing like a little love from afar.
And this is where I’ll leave you. I’m not sure what my schedule will be like in the next week or so and when I’ll be able to access the internet again in that time. Hope this tides you over.
Love you all. Abrazos y besitos. Blog update from Nebaj to come.
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