So…it’s 1:35am on December 20th and I am really tired and I can’t sleep. I have to say one of the worst combinations for me is being really tired and not being able to sleep. Thumbs down. A good combination however…Jill Scott and Mos Def. The song is called Love Rain. Check it out. Ha, wow! How quickly I got off track. :)
Anyway…as I am sure most of you have noticed, it has been a good month and a half since I last wrote on my blog. In fact it has been over a month and a half since I’ve written at all. I’m not sure of the explanation but after having written in my own personal journal daily and posting at least semi-regularly…the habit fell right off the map. Just like that; I stopped. Maybe I got to a place where I felt I didn’t need to write as much. Maybe I got to a place where listening to music was more appealing as bedtime ritual. Maybe it got to the point where absorbing other stories through reading became easier than writing out my own. Who knows?
My lack of written expression however, is certainly not an indication of lack of activity here in Guatemala. In fact I have had some of the most fun experiences yet. From co-leading a learning tour in and around Xela, to my first MCC Guatemala/El Salvador team meeting, flowing into a trip to the beach for Thanksgiving, then hosting Semana de Servicio here in Nebaj, life has been full of wonder and joy. ‘Tis the season. Along with this however has come deep struggle. First personally, being away from family and friends at this time of year (for the first time in my 24 years of life) has hit me harder than expected. Second, getting to know better some of the young adults I work with and hearing their stories has rocked me to the core. I don’t have words for Marcos* the 20 year old young man who tells me in pursuit of his educational dreams he was given room/board/tuition to study by a supposedly giving male community member, only to leave the experience having been sequestered and sexually abused by the very same man. What do I say to Magdalena* the 24 year old señorita who married at 16, only to find herself quickly pregnant and even more quickly abandoned by her husband for a “better” life in the United States. My heart aches for 25 year old Manuel* who pours his heart out through his original songs to mourn the death of one of his twin sons who would be turning two here shortly. It hurts. They hurt. I hurt. Ouch. But check this out…
So, I just got finished reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. It’s a beautiful story. In the book there is a character named May. May, as it is explained, doesn’t know what to do with her emotions. Whether the root is in her own life or the witness of another’s situation, she just can’t handle them sometimes. So May with the help of her sisters, creates a wailing wall; a simple sanctuary made out of river stones…each crack providing a space in which she can find release. When overcome with tears, she goes to her wall and slides between the rocks little pieces of paper on which she has lyrically purged, graciously relocating the whelm of her feelings from her heart, out into the universe. And with this she finds resolve…she finds peace, even if just for the moment. Well dear readers…May made me realize something. While not hand constructed or full of brief hand written notes, my blog is my wailing wall. A place where I can express my emotions…joy, sorrow, disgust, elation, frustration, freedom…and release them into the universe. In this I find resolve…I find peace, even if just for the moment. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for being my river rocks.
Wow…yikes! That got a bit heavy but it needed to happen I suppose. To change the sentiment to a lighter one, it is the Christmas season and in that there is a lot of hope..amidst struggle. Many of us think of the birth of Jesus, which is right-on of course, but this year I have been thinking about the strength of Mary, and what it must have taken to be the woman that she was. And, to beat the dead horse just a little bit dead-er, or to make the alive horse come alive-er, in the aforementioned (love this word and love to use it!) novel there is a great section that discusses what Mary, the mother of Jesus, can represent for each of us. Although it is directed towards females, I think it’s appropriate for all. I encourage you, in your reading of it, to make it gender inclusive.
“When you are unsure of yourself, when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she [Mary] is the one inside you saying ‘Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are.’ She’s the power inside of you, understand? And whatever it is that keeps widening your heart, that’s Mary, too, not only the power inside of you but the love. And, when you get down on it, [insert your name here], that’s the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just to love- but to persist in love.”
- Sue Monk Kidd; The Secret Life of Bees
So this is where I leave you all. Just in case we don't communicate before...FELIZ NAVIDAD! May your holiday season persist in love.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals mentioned.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
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