So this is…let me count… night number 7 of struggling to fall asleep. It’s 11pm now and I’ve been trying to sleep for the last hour and a half or so. At least I can say this time it isn’t because I’m melting; it’s actually been pleasantly cool for sleeping these days. Anyway, I’m not sure why but I always seem to be most inspired to write at this time of night. Maybe it’s because the words that have been fumbling around in my mind all day demand to come out before allowing me to rest peacefully. Darn demanding words…ha! Anyway, here goes…
I’ll start with a week ago. Wednesday it was when my host brother Eduardo showed up at Centro Hogar, the school where I work with his mom Damaris. I said a quick hello as I prepared to receive my next couple of tutees. It struck me as unusual that he was there but I assumed he just decided to pay us a visit. Then as the afternoon went on the school social worker dropped in to tell me that Eduardo had been mugged on the bus, that the ladrones took his backpack, his wallet and topped it all off with some strong threats. When I had a moment, I acknowledged with him what had happened and offered him some words of comfort…if there is such a thing so soon after such a nerve-wracking experience. He seemed to be handling it well but was a bit shook up. As the work day came to a close, myself, Damaris, Eduardo and Camila (my host sister who participates afterschool program I’m running) all gathered ourselves and ventured home. While walking our usual route Damaris told us that just that morning while she was walking to work she felt some watchful eyes following her so decided to visit a co-workers house to compose herself and see if said eyes passed…which after waiting a bit eventually did. She mentioned it as if it was no big deal. But let me tell you, the experience of Eduardo followed by Damaris’ anecdote made for a seriously accelerated heart rate during my walks to work the next couple of days and for some less than pleasant dreams about robbers coming in our house through my window. Pero alli ibamos and just when, as a family, felt we were coming out from underneath the weight of the danger of reality here…the rains came.
And they kept coming, and coming, and coming and coming. Which brings us up to Saturday night…when we weren’t sure if we should pack a bag or build a canoe in preparation for what was to come. Instead we just laughed, kept our ears open for evacuation sirens, watched just enough news to stay informed…but mostly movies, made hot cocoa (it was actually chilly if you can believe), and then went to bed making light-hearted references to the movie Titanic and how we too weren’t sure if we would wake up but at least we went to bed with smiles on our faces and chocolate in our bellies.
To be honest however, despite the smiles and jokes, by Monday the gravity of it all caught right up with me. As soon as I had time to think I freaked myself out, of course. Which is legit…it’s good to understand the vulnerability we are living in here and how just a little more rain, or being just one street over, or on another bus, we could find ourselves in crisis too. All of this is to say that people here live in a constant state of emergency. My host Mom often says, “If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.” And it’s true. Dang. So how do they respond? And how have I learned to respond? We live in the moment, we love fully, we thank God for the little things and we laugh. It’s quite simple really. If you all could only meet these very people I believe you too would be inspired as much as I am.
So I’ll leave you with that for now. And until next time just give it a whirl…live in the moment, love fully, thank God for the little things, and laugh, laugh, laugh.
Take good care and BIG HUGS to all.
P.S. I think I’m gonna sleep well tonight. ; )
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
drum roll please... :)
Hola, hola! So here it is, the grand return. HA! So...I wrote this a few weeks back but am just getting around to posting it. I will post an update on how thing are currently in the next couple of days. Until then...enjoy friends.
First off, for those of you who the news has escaped…I am now here in San Salvador, El Salvador. To say the least it was hard and yet another emotional transition to leave Nebaj and also to leave Guatemala. However, now that I’ve moved and said the actual goodbyes things have gotten a lot “easier.” I’m not good at goodbyes; they make me really sad. I often wish that I could just take the people with me that I am leaving behind, or that I can go with those who are leaving. My most recent goodbye was to my new co-worker Rosemary. Although we had only worked together for two weeks, she left a great impression on me. For her despedida (goodbye party), I wanted to share a quote or reading about transitions. This is what I came across and it’s quite fitting considering Donald Miller is one of my favorite authors:
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one... word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)
How beautiful. While intended to be a comfort for Rosemary, I also found solace in Donald’s words. For the last five years my life has been full of leavings and some comings home. As I have become more acquainted with my true self and dream about the life ahead of me, I can’t imagine this pattern changing much. Sometimes I wonder if my desire to trot the world is actually me running away from something. Getting absorbed in this line of thinking can be quite discouraging, trust me. But, I have to say, there have been too many good experiences, people to love, tears to shed, lessons to learn and too much beauty to see for me to believe that where I’ve been has been an escape rather than a trust-fall into the present. I don’t know where I’ll end up, what I will be doing, or who I’ll be with, but I trust that every step of the way is preparing me for what is to come. Always remember: only one life to live. Take good care…until we say hello again.
First off, for those of you who the news has escaped…I am now here in San Salvador, El Salvador. To say the least it was hard and yet another emotional transition to leave Nebaj and also to leave Guatemala. However, now that I’ve moved and said the actual goodbyes things have gotten a lot “easier.” I’m not good at goodbyes; they make me really sad. I often wish that I could just take the people with me that I am leaving behind, or that I can go with those who are leaving. My most recent goodbye was to my new co-worker Rosemary. Although we had only worked together for two weeks, she left a great impression on me. For her despedida (goodbye party), I wanted to share a quote or reading about transitions. This is what I came across and it’s quite fitting considering Donald Miller is one of my favorite authors:
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one... word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)
How beautiful. While intended to be a comfort for Rosemary, I also found solace in Donald’s words. For the last five years my life has been full of leavings and some comings home. As I have become more acquainted with my true self and dream about the life ahead of me, I can’t imagine this pattern changing much. Sometimes I wonder if my desire to trot the world is actually me running away from something. Getting absorbed in this line of thinking can be quite discouraging, trust me. But, I have to say, there have been too many good experiences, people to love, tears to shed, lessons to learn and too much beauty to see for me to believe that where I’ve been has been an escape rather than a trust-fall into the present. I don’t know where I’ll end up, what I will be doing, or who I’ll be with, but I trust that every step of the way is preparing me for what is to come. Always remember: only one life to live. Take good care…until we say hello again.
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